An article by Richard James Rogers (Award-Winning Author of The Quick Guide to Classroom Management and The Power of Praise: Empowering Students Through Positive Feedback). This blog post has been beautifully illustrated by Pop Sutthiya Lertyongphati.
Teaching is one of the most stressful professions on Earth. From behaviour management issues, to meeting deadlines and working on projects in small teams: teaching, as a job, requires very high levels of competency, lots of patience and bucket loads of resilience. Take these recent, shocking revelations, for example:
- Research by Curtin University in early 2024 found that overworked teachers are receiving additional stress from schools that encourage their staff to ‘manage their own wellbeing’.
- The Headspace 2023 Workforce Attitudes Toward Mental Health report found that British people overwhelmingly deem education to be the most stressful career path available, with an alarming 93% of those in the profession feeling stressed at least once a week!
In such a complex and dynamic environment as a school, in which in our ‘product’ is the gradual and positive development of children (i.e. the most complex beings in existence), it is only natural that we will make mistakes along the way and be involved in a wide variety of professional ‘incidents’ that may cause us some frustration.
It is at these times that we MUST remember the ‘Four S’s’:
- Stop
- Smile
- Sleep
- Send
Here’s a handy graphic to remember the process (feel free to share this with colleagues):
Let’s go through these steps one-by-one:
#1: Stop
I once witnessed a former colleague shout at a fellow language teacher in the staff room, calling him ‘unprofessional’ and saying that his actions were ‘unacceptable’. Of course, the issue causing the altercation was a trivial matter, but by her getting emotional and berating him in front of everyone she achieved nothing, and actually did a lot of harm to her reputation. Everyone was talking about that exchange afterwards, and guess who came out as the ‘good guy’ in people’s minds? – The polite language teacher who just stood there and listened and didn’t respond or get emotional, of course.
It’s so tempting to respond by reflex-action in a moment of frustration, venting our anger in an email, a verbal exchange or other action. It’s so crucial to be mindful of our emotions when we feel frustration bubbling up inside of us and remember to STOP!
#2: Smile
Numerous studies have shown that a simple smile can immediately improve our mood. Take a moment to reflect upon what you are grateful for in life. If nothing comes up, then ask yourself “What COULD I be grateful for right now?”. This act of ‘reframing’ the moment will act to alleviate any feelings of dread, anxiety or frustration – even if it’s only by a small amount.
#3: ‘Sleep on it’
If you find yourself becoming angry, anxious, enraged or frustrated by any situation at school, then pause for a while and calm down before you respond. If possible, respond to the issue the next day after a good night’s sleep – you’ll be in a better mood and will be more emotionally balanced to handle the issue rationally.
In my experience, almost every incident that causes a teacher frustration can be dealt with the next day, when we are in a better mood. If this is not the case for whatever you happen to be dealing with right now, then at least Stop and Smile, and wait a while before responding.
#4: Send
Have you been guilty of sending a quick response email out of frustration? I know I have. For one former coworker of mine, this had catastrophic consequences.
The head of our secondary school had emailed a colleague of mine in a former school I worked at to discuss some behaviour management issues that some children in his classes were having. This colleague then replied out of anger and frustration, justifying himself in every which way possible, but he inadvertently cc’d the entire secondary school in his response!
He didn’t last long at that school. His reputation in the eyes of his colleagues had soured, and his position became somewhat untenable. He was let go at the end of that academic year.
Please – be the person who responds when your emotions are stable. We ALL get frustrated at times. We ALL get angry a times. We ALL panic at times. Please – Stop, Smile. Sleep THEN Send/Respond.
Extra advice for dealing with frustration at school
Speak to someone
Speak up about any issues you are having, in a positive and non-complaining way. The trick to executing this is to be ‘solution focussed’. When talking with your line manager about the issue, or whomever the other parties are, adopt the mindset of ‘This is the problem, so how can we work together to find the solution?’.
Only click ‘send’ when you are in an emotionally positive state
E-mails last forever, and once they are sent, they can be fully utilised in any litigation that may follow. Silence is always the best option at first, if possible, then only send a written response/summary of the issue after very careful consideration. In some extreme situations you may wish to speak with a lawyer before responding.
Learn new skills
If behavior management is causing frustration, then seek to learn new strategies or ask colleagues for help. Resources like this blog can be very useful for acquiring new tips, as can professional development courses. If your issue is skills-related, then you may find that a professional development course, such as my Powerful Public Speaker Certificate Course, may be of use to you.
Find a good lawyer, and build a good relationship with them, regardless of your situation
It has been my experience via the many hundreds of online coaching calls I have done with teachers over the years that extremely few educators understand their legal rights. Employers can sometimes pray on this naivety – few teachers will approach a lawyer when their employment is terminated, or when contractual changes arise, or when they are asked to sign a sudden ‘official school document’, for example. Get used to consulting with lawyers. Yes, they’re expensive, but the investment is worth it in the long run. If you are lucky enough to teach in a country where teacher unions exist, then make sure you are an active member – they will be able to offer legal advice when the need arises, too.
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